Racheal Kyen Nju "Mama"

Mama, the day Sister Ruth called to tell me about this site she created, I was on the computer going through your mails. I had been up all night reading them. I even wrote a mail to you that night, something I do every now and then hoping you will reply. Everyday, I open my mail hoping to read from you. I wait to hear you call. You know the last time we talked, you told me it was just your head that was hurting. I told you to have some rest and that I would be calling the next day or two after the MRI test. About two to three hours later, Sister Hannah called to let us know you left us. I had tried to call you, but the lines didn't go through. A few minutes after trying, Sister Ruth called to let me know she had just talked with you and that Mum was there. She told me not to worry and that, I should rather call in the morning. I was so happy to hear Mum was with you and since we were at a graduation party, I decided to go have some fun. I cry everyday and ask myself why I did not call.

You know what? I never had fun because  as I went back into the hall, Tse started crying and I had to take him home. He cried for more than an hour and as soon as we got home, the phone rang and Tse stopped crying.......It was Sister Hannah and she said, "Hai Gracy, na me Hannah di call. I just call na with bad news. Mama don die".  My world stopped for a few minutes.  

 My world is still at that point. I do not know how to recover, nor do know if I will. There is no one to talk on my behalf, no one to fight for me, no one to stand up for me. Is that what we agreed on? Is that the plan we had? Because what I know is that, you asked me to send the kids and that you would take care of them while I finshed school. Mama, I am still struggling with the kids and school. I do not know what to do.  

You left me with so many unanswered questions, questions from Mambo, Azah and Tse (Tata) each time they look at your picture in the family room. By the way, did you know there is an addition in the family? Her name is Bih. We call her Ms Bih because that is how she was called in the hospital. She too is a miracle baby. She came 11 weeks early and is a year old plus now. A very strong girl too. She loves to sing and dance. Mambo and Azah always ask; Mum how come aunty Mama is not calling us again? And you know Tata can ask a hundred questions at a time. Mum who is this? What is her name? Is she in Cameroon? When I told him that you were in Heaven and that you are now an angel, he asked; So, does it mean when I go to Cameroon I will  see her? Are angels there? The kids do not understand. I too don't understand why you had to go. 

I have been searching for answers as to why you had to go so fast. I had to change my school program in other to get an answer. Why your head? why the pain? I ask these questions everyday still searching for answers. 

I still cry everyday because I miss you so much. I miss the times we cried together, laughed together, the times we were mad at each other and would not talk, the times I would make you so mad thinking you would not eat your food and you would eat while crying. You always said,  "ah want ma damay, mey man no play.  

 Gi me ma dass. A go wak. If wouna think say a go cry then leave this damay, wouna di waste wouna time ma tell wouna". I miss the times of appologies and forgiveness; I miss you because, it feels like yesterday, it feels like we just talked and sang together.  

Do you remember the song we sang together in church during my CWF dedication, the date and the year? That was on November 25, 2000 and it was a christmas carol, Oh Holy Night. Do you still remember the one wordings? "Oh holy night the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Savior's birth! Long lay the world in sin and error pining. Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth. A trill of hope the weary world rejoices. Fir yonder breaks a new and glorious morn! Fall on you knees, Oh hear the angel voices, Oh night divine, Oh night when Christ was born, Oh night divine, Oh night divine". Do you remember how we were so mad at Pops because he did not let us sing all the songs we had planned to sing?

Mama, I know you are one of the stars and would ask you to shine in my path Oh sister, so that I may follow your footsteps and join you sing with the angels  

Intercede on my behalf so that my weary soul may rejoice.

I knew and called her "Mama". My kids; Mambo and Herman called her aunty Mama. She was very respectful, a hardworker, polite and lovely. She could also sing.

Whenever she sang, it was like the angels arose to participate in the song or just to savor the voice. I enjoyed her singing especially the christmas carols she sang with my lovely wife, Hannah, her sister. Have I heard or seen live christmas carols being sung since Mama's departure? I cannot remember. No. I haven't. We have missed that and a lot more.

Her presence was always assuring and our home was warm when Mama was around. She dreaded my office, the stairs. I am on the 4th floor of the building. Heights!!. If she came to my office, I had to meet her downstairs not upstairs. She dreaded a four storey building only to end up on the Most High! I know she made it there. She was a candidate for the Most High place even with her fear for earthly heights.

She was very spiritual and encouraged us. Her departure was so sudden. Before I could assimilate the news of her illness, cold death had taken over! Blessed be you who has rested in the Lord. I know God never wanted the world to taint her spiritual attainment.

We are here on transit, Mama just happened to have boarded the early bus. We will all be there even if our own buses are still to take off, even if broken down, they would eventually be repaired or replaced and then, we shall be there some day.

Only God knows why her bus left early and everything happens for His Glory. I miss Mama and she will forever be remembered.

I was just going through my things and saw this letter that I wrote when you just passed on in 2007. I did not get a chance to read it to you, but I am glad I have the opportunity to do it now.

Mama, I am writing this letter and my heart is paining me, my head is hurting me so bad because, I have been unable to sleep for three days. I stay awake thinking of you, I stay awake asking myself what I didn't do to make you stay with me. I was looking forward to seeing you sing in church. Sis Sarah told me you sing very well.

Mama, you told me last week that, when you feel better, you would go to Bamenda for Pops and Mammy to see you. Mama, you said, Sis Ruth, "you worry too much" You were supposed to come and pray for everybody because you had this dream/vision about something being buried behind the house. Do you remember what I told you? I said, God has always protected us and nothing can happen. I also said, if something was to happen, it would be God's will.

Mama, you told me that, you had a revelation about getting married. Is this the marriage you were talking about? when I asked if there was a man, you just laughed. I told you I would support you in any way that you wanted. I cry because I love you, but I know you are with the Lord. You are going to prepare a place for us to follow because, you know we shall see you again. I miss you, I miss our conversations, I admire your strength and I wish I could be like you. I don't know how Heaven is, but I know you are there, I know you are looking at me and saying, "Sis Ruth, why are you crying" I know you are preparing for us to meet you.........

               MY DREAM

I had a dream just before christmas, just before Mama passed on that, my dad, myself and Sis Mangwi went to the hospital to pray for the sick. My dad went to a particular patient and stayed long reading different passages from the Bible. I got annoyed and told him he needed to read just one passage from the Bible because we had to pray for everybody in the hospital. He continued reading and was very quiet. I later realised, he was the one admitted in the hospital, I saw Mama, but she did not come close to where we were, is like she stood at a door looking at us...... Sis Mangwi continued praying for the sick and.......

Dear Mama,

Your sojourn on this earth will never be forgotten.This candle symbolizes your presence amongst us until we meet you in heaven.May your soul REST IN PERFECT PEACE.We all miss you.

My dear mother, I thank you for bringing me into this world. I thought you would be by my side, but God decided to take you from me.

I thank you for the motherly love you showed me. You meant so much to me and I will continue to love and remember you. Aunty Ruth called me "Mama" the other day and said my voice was just like yours. May your soul rest in peace.

Racheal as a child was very happy and made lots of jokes. She liked singing, though her voice was terrible at the time. She was the only child who went to pre-nursery school and the most outspoken of my children. If she decided to do something, Mama made sure she did it to the end. She excelled in her studies. While in the university, she studied hard and her results came out same day she passed on. She did well of course.

She was talented in singing and led choral groups in various congregations and churches. She was a "Prayer warrior" and any little money she had, she gave it to God as "sowing her spiritual seed"

I do not know what she would have become if she were still alive, but death snatched her rather too early.

I believe that she is resting with the Lord Jesus Christ awaiting the rapture.

May her soul rest in peace. We shall always remember you our dear daughter.

Racheal was born on September 7, 1977. She injured her eye at a tender age which eventually resulted in her losing it. She used to ask me to sing for her while in the hospital and if I didn't, she would not talk to me. She was still a baby then.

Racheal was an extraordinary child in everything she did, one of which was her singing attitude. She would always sing gospel songs with her loud voice and she struggled to fit in many church groups. She was very outspoken and told her father at one time that everybody in the family needed to receive Jesus Christ in their lives. This caused lots of problems in the family. This happened when she enrolled into the university where she met some christain families and changed drastically.

When she was on break from school, she would always assure us of God's unconditional love. She always prayed and fasted for the entire family and always filled the house wth great melodies until her untimely death. Racheal on her sick bed was very brave, assuring me that she wanted to go and meet the Lord where she could continue with her praising, singing and worshipping Him.

Her bravity served as a booster to my spiritual life. Each time I look at her picture, I know her spirit still lives on especially in her daughter, Emma. She will always live in my memory.

Mamz as I used to call her, will forever live in my heart. We were like cats and dogs, always fighting with each other until we were adults, then became best friends.

I sometimes come home thinking you will welcome me with our usual nick names. So, what do I do? I have a picture of you on the door to my room so that, I will always feel you around.

Mamz, I miss your singing in the house, your comforting and encouraging words. You raised my morals.Though I was your elder brother, you stood up bigger than I. The joys I began experiencing, you were not there to share them with me, most especially the long awaited son you thought I had. You know what? He has come and you are not there to carry him. And do you know what his name is? Aghanwi Hanniel Nju. You left me alone to take care of him, our second brother.

I am not bothered anymore because, I can still see you in your daughter, Emma. Everything you were, she is. Mama, you live in her.